To all beef patties special sauce – let us break up

Dear Ronald:

This is tough for me to write. But it needs to be done. Trust me when I say I’ve given this a lot of thought. So here is it: We need to break up.

It’s not you, it’s me. Really. It feels like we just want different things. The late-night romps at the drive-thru aren’t enough for me anymore. I mean, it’s fun for a moment but then poof, that great feeling just evaporates. And to be honest — and I know this might hurt your feelings — I often feel like crap right after I see you. I should have told you this earlier, I know. I’m sorry for that. But when you think about it, you must have known something was up. I mean, we haven’t seen each other for a while.

To be completely honest, I’m seeing someone new. There’s no need for names so I’m just going to call him CSA. It’s been about eight weeks and things are going great. I feel fulfilled and satisfied, like this relationship is really going to last. It feels… healthy.
We see each other on Tuesdays, and there’s enough variety every week to keep things spicy. I shouldn’t rub it in, but people tell me I’m glowing.

So, I won’t be coming around anymore. Not for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, late dinner, midnight snack, etc. Don’t even try to tempt me by flashing those bewitching golden you-know-whats. I’ll just change my jogging route. (That’s right, I exercise now)

I have no doubt you’ll find someone new. You are very charismatic.

Thanks for the memories,
Terra

---